So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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