but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
