he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
