Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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