don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
