I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
