i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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