he thought i was a dude.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
