I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
