You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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