oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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