Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
