I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
