I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
