May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
