Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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