There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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