My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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