i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
