I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
bring money and cleavage
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
