You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
