I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
