the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
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Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
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All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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