A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
