i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
