yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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