Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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