Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
