Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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