i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
