remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
