Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
