Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
