Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
