my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Who did Billy Mays play for?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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