Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
