I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
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I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
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Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
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