Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
