life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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