god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
