It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
