you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
