Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize