I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
