And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
