it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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