i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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