Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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