New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
