Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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