do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
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It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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