Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
