is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
