If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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