Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
