I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
