I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
