Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
