So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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