Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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