That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Are we still banned from the library?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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