If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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