she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I miss vodka workout Fridays
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
