Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
