dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
