She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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