I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
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his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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