Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
