We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
