Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
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you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
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I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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