his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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