the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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