apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt