it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????