just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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