We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
