I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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