By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
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And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
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best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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