I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
