last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
