the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
