How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
