i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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