Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I need water and some morals
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
