It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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