he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
